Beware of Becoming a Professional Online Dater
October 30, 2009 by joetracy · Leave a Comment
By Joe Tracy, lead visioneer of the DateLists.com Online Dating Directory
Every year, hundreds of thousands of people find their “perfect match” through online dating services. And every year hundreds of thousands more become discouraged from their experiences. One of the contributing factors to those who have problems with online dating is the emergence of the “professional online dater”, a term coined by Online Dating Magazine to describe a person who acts serious about finding someone, but without the intention of taking any date or relationship “too seriously” because the next match “may be better.”
A professional online dater usually possesses three or more of the following habits:
> Communicating with more than six people at the same time.
> Member of three or more online dating services at the same time.
> Relists profile within 24 hours of a relationship breakup.
> Lets several communications just “end” in order to put time into new communications.
> Checks messages and dating services several times a day.
> Always believes that the next match “may be better”.
> Several times a year will have more than one date, with different people, set up in a week.
> At the first sign of trouble in a potential relationship, lets things break off to return to online dating.
> May hide profile, but doesn’t delete it, when steadily dating one person.
> When returning from a date, immediately checks mail for new messages from others.
Generally, a person doesn’t consciously say “I want to become a professional online dater” then pursue it as a life goal. It is something that develops as a result of the person’s online dating experiences. He/she sees how “easy” it is to get a new date and is introduced to new faces virtually daily. Before the person knows it, he/she is communicating with half a dozen (or more) people at the same time. When a date is arranged with one person there are still six prospects waiting in the person’s Inbox when he/she returns from the date. This, in turn, starts to develop a subconscious mentality that the next person may be “better,” therefore it is easier to leave a relationship or dating experience at the first sign of trouble rather than work through those problems.
A professional online dater will generally ‘hide’ a profile versus deleting it when entering into an exclusive dating relationship. Subconsciously, the person isn’t truly giving his or her 100% to the relationship because they have formulated an easy escape route back to the planet of dates.
Professional online daters, without realizing it, are having a negative effect on the people they come in contact with during their expeditions. For example, a professional online dater may be writing seven people at the same time, when another new interesting prospect shows up. In turn, the professional online dater allows communication with one (or more) of the other seven people to suddenly stop, leaving that person without answers and wondering, “where did he/she disappear to?” The other problem professional online daters bring to online dating is their lack of true commitment. They may have three, four or even more relationships a year. The relationships are generally short-lived and the professional online dater has a new date lined up (with someone new he/she met online) within several days of a breakup.
A person who possesses three or more traits of a professional online dater may not want to admit that he/she is a professional online dater, but doing so is the first step to solving the problem. Other steps to solving the problem are:
> Completely delete your profile(s) when entering into a relationship. There’s no looking back, only forward.
> Commit yourself to your relationship with a strong determination to work through the problems. Working through issues in a relationship is what helps people to grow. Running away is not the solution.
> If you stop communicating with someone, don’t do it cold turkey. At least send that person a polite note so that he/she knows why. The person will respect you more for this.
> Find one online dating service that you like and stick with it. This isn’t a game to see how many new people you can communicate with. Every person you communicate with is a real person with real feelings. Don’t lead them on.
> Only communicate with a small number of people at a time.
> Don’t fall into the mentality of “the next one might be better.” Instead, focus on the person you are with and know that they are “the best”. Then make it work.
Professional online daters unintentionally hurt many people during the course of their “adventure”. But perhaps what’s worse is that professional online daters hurt themselves because they never learn to work through relationship issues that produce long-term relationship success. Luckily, with determination, professional online daters can change and when they put the same intense focus on a relationship (like they did with online dating) then the relationship generally turns into an amazing and long-lasting experience. And that produces another success story from two people who met online.
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Joe Tracy is the lead visioneer of the new DateLists.com Online Dating Directory, a directory and reference resrouce for online daters.
This article is copyright and may not be republished. Used with permission.
5 Simple Safety Rules for Women using Online Dating
October 23, 2009 by admin · Leave a Comment
Online Dating has gone main-stream, and as a single Woman in the 21st century you can’t afford to pass it by if you want to find the man of your dreams.
Online dating can be a rewarding and satisfying experience, but you shouldn’t neglect to look after your safety and follow some simple rules to make your
online dating experience a good and memorable one:
Rule 1: Keep your private information private. Don’t give out sensitive information that people can exploit. If your dating partner is pushing you to give
out information you should terminate the relationship immediately.
Rule 2: Only use the tools and features of the dating service you belong to. There are a lot of imposters out there who are trying to drag you into another
service “to deepen the conversation”, the problem is that these services aren’t free and cost a lot of money.
Rule 3: Don’t chat, mail or meet with people who are trying to push you into a meeting too early. These people may have other interests in you that you don’t
expect. Although a lot of things have become better, there are still a lot of scammers out there, believe me.
Rule 4: You never really know who the person behind a dating profile really is, so it’s safer to make a background check before meeting the first time in
person. Most legitimate dating sites can provide you with information on companies or individuals who perform these background checks.
Rule 5: If you’ve decided to meet your dating partner face-to-face you should make sure you meet in a public place with many other people around, you could
even ask a friend to to keep an eye on things from a safe distance if you’re nervous. The safest time for a meeting is in the daytime. Keep this in mind.
Remember…you never know who is on the other end of the internet-line. Although their number has decreased, there are still perverts, nerds and criminals
around on those dating sites and you should make sure not to fall for one of their scams.
Most online dating meetings end up as a very happy experience, it just pays to be careful to start off with to avoid any unwanted heartaches.
If you’re looking for an adult dating site that caters for all tastes click here, This site is strictly for adults only.
Impress With Your Online Dating Profile Photo
October 17, 2009 by KimLance · Leave a Comment
By Kim Lance, Associate Publisher of Online Dating Magazine
If you think that your choice of photo to associate with your online profile doesn’t really matter, think again. The fact is the profile photo is one of the main factors in determining whether an online dater will give your profile a second look. And if you were thinking about not associating a photo with your profile, don’t expect to get any responses. Many online daters specify their searches through online dating profiles to only show results of people with photos. The online dating profile photo is a vital component in determining your success in the world of online dating.
Your gut reaction may be to put up the best picture you have of yourself when choosing your photo for your online dating profile. It is understandable that you would want to make yourself look as attractive as possible online…after all, you are looking for a date right? Well, it might be a better idea to pick a profile that is a little more representative of how you really look, not how you wish you looked.
As mentioned above, the profile photo is one of the main things that convince a man or woman to approach another as a potential match online. If you put up a photo that does not accurately represent how you really look (your photo is several years old, you have gained 20 lbs since your photo was taken, or your photo has been altered to make you look more attractive) your date will inevitably get the wrong impression of how you look. You run a high risk of disappointing your date and developing trust issues right off the bat when you meet in person and look quite a bit different than he or she was expecting.
At the same time, make sure your photo is both realistic and flattering. Even though you don’t want to give an inaccurate impression about how you really look, remember, you are still trying to get a date. Don’t post a picture in your online dating profile of the time when you were four months overdue for a haircut or the day you forgot to put on make-up. Ask a friend or two which photos of you bring out your best qualities while still giving a realistic impression of what you look like on a good day.
If you have the option to put up multiple photos of yourself, do so. For your main profile photos it is probably best to get a nice head and sholder shot so that your profile browsers can get a good sense of what you look like. But, take advantage of the multiple photo option by using it as an opportunity to show off some of your more unique features and personality traits. Choose photos that show you having fun, participating in outdoor activities, or posing in beautiful natural settings.
Additional Online Dating Profile Photo Tips
- Don’t put up photos of you with other people. The person browsing your profile may not know which person you are and may be more attracted to the person posing with you.
- Make sure you are smiling in your photo. You want to give a potential match the impression that you are a happy person ready to start a happy and positive relationship.
- Don’t post photos that reveal personal information about your work or living space. If you post a picture of you standing in front of your house with the address showing a sign to your office building, you may be revealing more information to online dating members than you wanted to. Keep your photo as anonymous as possible.
- Keep in mind what you want to portray to others when choosing your photo. Don’t put up pictures of you drinking or drunk, flashing the camera, or flipping the bird if you are looking for a serious romantic relationship.
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Kim Lance is the Associate Publisher of Online Dating Magazine, an Internet publication covering online dating through news, reviews, experiences, interviews, and articles.
This article is copyright and may not be republished. Used with permission.
Is Online Dating a Good Choice for You?
October 9, 2009 by KimLance · Leave a Comment
Online dating has quickly become the number one choice for singles to meet people to date. The online dating industry has been continually growing in popularity and for good reason. If you are on the fence about whether to try out online dating as a way to find romance, consider these five positive reasons why using an online dating service might be a good choice for you.
1. Greater Choice
A single utilizing an online dating service has a better choice of potential matches than a single using more traditional dating methods like the local bar or coffee shop. With online dating you are allowed to browse through several profiles looking for that special someone. When you head to the corner coffee shop you only have a chance of meeting a handful of single people, and sometimes never meet anyone at all. With online dating you have greatly increased your chances of finding someone interesting.
2. Get What You Want
Many online dating services allow you to search through profiles based on certain key phrases or through a filtering process. By only looking through profiles that have the word “Christian” or “sports fan” in them, you have an increased chance in finding someone that shares your views and interests and eliminated those that don’t. When you meet a man or woman at a bar, you have no way of telling right off the bat if they are Christian or Atheist, a San Diego Charger’s fan or if they think that football is a violent sport. By using search functions and filtering on online dating services to identify profiles of potential matches, you can eliminate the time spent looking through profiles of people that do not share your interests.
3. Personal Info Can Stay Private
A great thing about online dating is its anonymity. When initiating contact with someone you have been attracted to online, you don’t have to give out any personal information…not even your email address. You can take time to really get to know a person before giving out personal information like your phone number, unlike other forms of meeting people. If you meet someone at a singles spot, you are forced to give away your phone number in order to keep in contact, even if you have just met the person and don’t know enough about him or her to know if they have good intentions.
4. Fears and Embarrassment Can Be Reduced
If you decide to contact someone though email you can take the time to really plan out what you want to say to that person with online dating. If you see someone across the room and try to approach them, sometimes nerves and embarrassment can get the best of you. You may have planned out what you were going to say, but when you approach it all gets flustered coming out of your mouth. With online dating you can sit down and think about your email, read it over a couple times, and send it knowing that you have expressed yourself to the best of your ability. The social awkwardness that can come with approaching someone on the fly in person is virtually eliminated.
5. It’s a One on One Experience
At a bar, club, coffee shop, or other traditional singles meeting place, it is almost impossible to make a personal connection with someone you are interested in. There is active competition for attention at these social gatherings and a one on one interaction can be very hard to come by. With online dating it is personal right from the beginning. You communicate one on one in a private email conversation with the person you are interested in and are able to form a personal connection right off the bat, rather than compete in a room full of other single guys and gals all out for the same goal.
For singles fed up with the traditional dating scene, and looking for a change, online dating may be the way to go. You can meet more people with similar interests without sharing personal information and, once you find the perfect profile, you can form an immediate personal connection. It is certainly worth a try.
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Kim Lance is the Associate Publisher of Online Dating Magazine, an Internet publication covering online dating through news, reviews, experiences, interviews, and articles.
This article is copyright and may not be republished. Used with permission.
How to Win Back an Ex Boyfriend, Even if He is Spoken For
October 4, 2009 by admin · Leave a Comment
Are you trying to find a way to win an ex boyfriend back, but you have found out that he is already dating someone else? Are you worried that things are getting way too serious with this other girl?
Well firstly, you have to stand back and take an objective view of the whole situation. True, he might be dating someone else, but remember, he has spent a lot more time with you. This history you have together will prove to be crucial when you are trying to win back an ex boyfriend.
Now, think about your past relationship with him. Was it really as good as you think it was, or are you really only focusing on the positive aspects of the relationship? If you really want to win an ex boyfriend back, you will need to do some soul searching and answer this question truthfully first.
After an objective examination of the relationship, you may figure out that some of your behaviour was at least partly to blame for the breakup. Now, granted, he probably contributed to it too, but the only thing you have control over is your own behaviour.
In your mission to win back an ex boyfriend, firstly you need to concentrate on improving yourself before you try to get back together with him. You need to find the demons that brought your relationship down and work out how to eliminate them. If you are successful with this, you have a much stronger chance for long-term success in your relationship after you win him back.
When you have found the new and improved version of your former self, get in touch with him and ask him if you can get together for a chat. Make this an informal meeting, like a coffee in a café with a nice atmosphere. Be cool with him and show him that you are doing fine by yourself, but wouldn’t mind trying to restore the relationship. Try to emphasise the benefits of a restored relationship, like all the good things you have going for each other
Once you’ve put your case out there for him to consider, take a breather for a while, give him a chance to absorb what you said and react to it. Bare in mind that he’s in another relationship right now, so he’s going to require some time to think about all this and work out what his feelings are about the whole situation.
Depart the meeting amicably and emphasise to him that you really hope he will think about what you have said, and hopefully decide to restore your relationship. If you follow this plan, it will not be long before you win an ex boyfriend back.
Winter Date Ideas
October 2, 2009 by KimLance · Leave a Comment
By Kim Lance, Associate Publisher of Online Dating Magazine
The warm days of summer provide the perfect conditions for exciting romance and fun outdoor date ideas, but as the seasons change and the winter winds pick up, many couples may find it more difficult to come up with exciting date ideas when its cold, rainy, and, sometimes, snowy outside. Here are five winter date ideas to help keep those warm feelings between you and your sweetie burning even when it isn’t warm outside.
Winter Date Idea #1: Ice Skating
Wrap up in scarves and gloves and take your partner to the local ice rink for some fun winter-time exercise. Due to the cold weather, you and your loved one may have given up some of the outdoor date activities that would bring you together during warmer months. Don’t give up on outdoor activities just because its winter. Ice skating can be romantic (holding hands, picking her up when she falls) as well as great outdoor exercise.
Winter Date Idea #2: Christmas Light Gazing
Take advantage of all of the holiday house decorating during the Christmas season by planning a date to drive around your neighborhood looking at Christmas lights. You can keep warm in your car, listening to Christmas music or romantic tunes and share the joy of brightly lit houses with sparkling colorful lights and festive decorations.
Winter Date Idea #3: Snuggling By The Fire
What is more romantic than gathering under some warm blankets in front of a blazing fire? If you have a fireplace in your house or apartment, make a date with your partner to spend some cuddle time in front of a fire. You can make hot chocolate and keep warm by the fire at home or, if you don’t have access to a fireplace at your own home, go to a café or lodge with a fireplace and share a dessert and coffee while enjoying the warmth of the fire.
Winter Date Idea #4: Holiday Gift Shopping
Holiday gift shopping can be a stressful activity, but it doesn’t have to be. You can turn your holiday gift shopping into a fun couples activity. The key is to keep it light hearted. Plan a day of shopping in your favorite mall or shopping center, with a lunch break in between in order to sit and unwind a bit. Go with the intention of browsing around for gifts, picking up things here or there – don’t go with an agenda to find everything you are looking for…this could lead to stress or anxiety. Make sure you plan your shopping date far in advance of when you will be giving the gifts, so that you can take your time while you and your partner look around.
Winter Date Idea #5: Have a Snow Fight
Wrap yourself up in a heavy jacket, lace up your snow boots, and venture outside into the snow for the day. You and your loved one can spend the day building snowmen, making snow angels, and having playful snowball fights. Enjoy the snow while you can, it doesn’t stick around all year, after all. It’s a great way to get exercise and afterwards you can head indoors for some hot cocoa.
Remember, just because the weather turns cold, it doesn’t mean your dates have to loose their warmth. You can have a fun and romantic time with your partner even when it’s snowy, stormy, or icy. Take advantage of the winter weather with fun in the snow and ice skating, keep warm in front of the fire, and participate in holiday activities like shopping and Christmas light gazing and your winter is sure to be full of warm and happy memories with your sweetheart.
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Kim Lance is the Associate Publisher of Online Dating Magazine, an Internet publication covering online dating through news, reviews, experiences, interviews, and articles.
This article is copyright and may not be republished. Used with permission.
Three Tips for Online Dating Success
October 1, 2009 by KimLance · Leave a Comment
By Kim Lance, Associate Publisher of Online Dating Magazine
New to the online dating scene? Well, believe it or not, online dating can be just as competitive, if not more so, than traditional dating. Don’t let that discourage you, however. Many people have found a date, and often marriage, through online dating services. There are tips and strategies that can help you get your profile noticed over your competition. Here are three strategic steps you can take that can give your profile the look and feel it needs to attract the kind of people you would love to meet.
Tip 1: Pick the Perfect Profile Photo
Your photo is one of the most important factors that will attract people to your profile. First and foremost, make sure you have a recent picture. Sure that picture of you in the bikini while on college spring break back in 1995 may be cute, but when your date meets you expecting you to look like you did in college, your date will be disappointed. This can create mistrust and cause your date to feel upset and deceived. This is never a good thing when trying to start a relationship.
Also, pick a photo that will show off your best features. Make sure you are wearing a friendly smile, it will be much more inviting than a serious pose or, obviously, a frown. Always avoid photos where you are with another person, or, worse yet, you have chopped the other person out of the photo, only to leave behind a mysterious arm. Your date may be confused by which person is actually you or wonder who the “mysterious arm” belongs to.
Tip 2: Use Your Username to Reveal Your Interests
You may think your username is just your way to log in to your online dating service, but this isn’t the case. Your username is one of the first things that someone will read about you and a good username can mean the difference between a profile view and a profile pass up. A common technique is to go with the traditional anonymous username like “Jenny321” but why miss out on a key opportunity to catch someone’s attention or reveal a bit about yourself?
Make your username original and make it say a little something about your personality. Pick “SweetSinger” as your username if your hobby is singing or “DodgersDude” if your an avid Dodgers fan looking for company. Your clever username will not only share a little bit about your personality or interests, but can also attract people with the same interests. But be careful not to give the wrong impression. Just because you interpret the username “FunLovin” to mean you love to have fun, the person viewing your profile may think “FunLovin” means you are looking for some fun lovin’, if you know what I mean.
Tip 3: Don’t Say It, Prove It! And Be Specific
When developing your profile description, you may be tempted to write something like “I’m funny and smart with a good sense of humor.” This is simply a boring list of adjectives… the same adjectives that are showing up on thousands of other profiles. If you want your profile to really stand out, you need to describe yourself through specifics.
Instead of saying you are “funny” or have a “good sense of humor”, make your profile funny. Crack a couple of tasteful jokes or relate a funny incident. This will prove to your viewer what sort of sense of humor you have. If your sense of humor is attractive to that viewer, they will contact you. Rather than just stating that you are “smart”, list your favorite books or your interests that would prove to your viewer how smart you are. This will also give your viewer some specific examples that he or she will be able to relate to directly.
Remember, just because you have a profile up, doesn’t necessarily mean you will immediately get responses. These three tips will certainly help, but play around with the contents of your profile until you start getting the results you want. If no one is responding to your list of interests, put up some new ones. Switch your photos every once in a while to see what sort of response you receive. As you experiment with your online dating profile, you will hopefully begin to find the responses you have been looking for.
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Kim Lance is the Associate Publisher of Online Dating Magazine, an Internet publication covering online dating through news, reviews, experiences, interviews, and articles.
This article is copyright and may not be republished. Used with permission.